"Timey-wimey, weebly-wobbly," could not be a more apropos Doctor Who quote to help describe the space occupied by our venerable and beloved dead residing beyond the veil.
Folklore, fairytales, and mythologies from around the world describe time as flowing very differently in the worlds and lands beyond our perceived reality. Rip Van Winkle by Washington Irving, the tale of Urashima Tarō, and the Irish myths surrounding Tir na nÓg all provide excellent examples of how time moves in weird and wacky ways beyond the veil.
With that in mind, veneration of the deceased can be a little tricky: Who should we honor? How far back should we go? And, is there a difference between the honorable dead of the distant past and the more recently deceased?
The answers to these questions are largely personal and should be based on your practice, cultural traditions, and comfort level. However, below is a breakdown of how I defined who I venerate as well as when. Feel free to use this as a template to create your own practice!
Ancestors are the generations in my lineage I have never met in this life. They are my great-great-grandparents, their siblings, and further back. I honor my ancestors whenever it feels right, but especially on key calendar dates important to a line's heritage. For instance, I perform a special veneration for my Puerto Rican ancestors on November 19th, Ancestors’ Day, honoring the Taino people rather than the conquistadors. St. Paddy's Day and Bastille Day are my days to honor my Irish/Celtic and French ancestors, respectively. I also recently set aside December 20th to honor my Hesse lineage. Originally, I honored my German ancestry during Oktoberfest, but with the recent discovery that my German lineage comes from Hesse, it resonates much more with me to honor those ancestors on the date the Grimm’s Fairy Tales were first published.
The next tier of the exalted deceased I work with and honor are my Beloved Dead. These are beings and spirits from family members I didn't get to meet, but who belong to a generation that includes relatives I did and still do interact with—like most of my great grandparents and their siblings, my grandparents’ siblings, and second and first cousins who died before I was born. I also honor admired celebrities as part of this category. I honor my Beloved Dead on All Souls’ day and Day of the Dead.
As the deceased get closer to me and my life, they are my Dearly Departed. These are family members, my pets, friends of the family, and friends who have passed during my lifetime. For them, I observed the traditional mourning period of a year and a day, giving the deceased the chance to adjust to the Otherworld without too many attachments. Attachments—sometimes called “unfinished business”— can lead to hungry ghosts. (For the Bleach manga and anime fans out there, think Hollows). I first honor them the day after the year-and-a-day mourning period ends, and then on their birthdays, death anniversaries, holidays including Dead of the Day, and whenever I'm driving past their graves.
The last group I want to mention is the Recently Deceased. These are family members, friends of the family, pets, and friends who have transcended this life within the year and a day of their death date. As I mentioned above, I observe a traditional mourning period for these loved ones, venerating them as it feels right during the year-and-a-day period.
Below is a video that helped me understand, define, and honor my exalted dead:
Ancestors: Who & What Are They? Our Dead, Spirits, & Guides | Sancista Brujo Luis
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