Self-love is hard, magick-makers.
We’re supposed to be proud of ourselves without being prideful, be humble yet confident, believe we’re beautiful but continuously strive for improvement. Walking the line of all these should’s and shouldn’ts to avoid being perceived as either a snob or a pushover is
e x h a u s t i n g.
So let’s not do that anymore.
Instead, I propose we learn how to truly, honestly, authentically love ourselves through compassionate scrutiny and quality time spent with the most important person in each of our lives—ourselves.
And, since we’re witches? Let’s add some magick to the mix, friends.
Romancing Your Shadow
Shadow work is practiced far and wide in the magickal community. There are fistfuls of amazing resources for getting started, and the results are incredibly rewarding.
That doesn’t make the process any less icky.
Exploring the parts of ourselves we’ve discarded and reintegrating them into our consciousness is often a painful process. We need to have endless wells of self-compassion and empathy stored up for this task, and sometimes those wells...run dry.
Fortunately, there are some magickal methods to help us remember to treat ourselves kindly, even when the shadows get real dark:
Summon a familiar or spirit guide: Summoning a being or entity to cheer us on when we’re feeling overwhelmed can be a wonderful boost. Servitors, familiars (astral or tangible), spirit guides, angelic emanations, and deities can all serve this purpose.
From personal experience, it’s best to develop a relationship with one or more of these entities before you begin, so they can walk with you the whole way.
Sigils, symbols, glyphs, and pictograms: We witches love our symbols. Creating our own symbols is like having a secret code with ourselves. When I have a sigil or two drawn on my skin, I feel like a total badass.
There are thousands of ways to create these and use these in shadow work. Using your favorite method, create (existing symbols are okay too!) a few symbols that represent things you need more of in your life and psyche. A few examples include things like:
Self-worth
Confidence
Serenity
Security
Abundance mindset
Then, place them literally anywhere.
In your shoes. On your skin (visible or covered). Embroidered into your underwear. Written on your mirror or the inside of your phone case.
Here’s one I made for all of us to use, just to get us started:
Mirror magicks: An extremely simple and effective way to give yourself a loving boost is to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror.
Yes, it feels weird at first.
It also works.
There’s something inherently powerful about looking yourself in the eyes and saying “I love you, you got this,” or “You did good today, it’s time to rest, my love.”
(Yep, I totally call myself pet names. It feels really good, folx!)
While just talking to yourself this way is a magickal act, you can really witch it out by drawing the abovementioned symbols on your mirror in grease pencil, conversing with your mirror image by candlelight, or by keeping a mirror on your altar and making affirmations part of your daily practice (if you have one).
Loving Your Body—Every. Single. Part.
For some, this may fall under shadow work. For others, it may simply be something you’ve never considered before.
Either way, think about it now—how well do you really know the back of your hand?
Being comfortable in your own skin is a challenge for plenty of us. We either disparage or ignore the things about our bodies we dislike, determined to change anything we can. However, while striving to improve ourselves is important and beneficial, there’s no need to be meanies to ourselves while we go about it.
Whether you have serious body image issues, or just want to feel more grounded in yourself, there are lots of magickal methods we can use to love our bodies.
Function over form: Okay, real talk. Everyone has parts of their bodies they dislike and want to change. For instance, my nose is HUGE. It takes up way too much real estate on my face and has a weird hook at the top.
But it sure does draw air into my lungs really well.
That’s the key to this. The parts of our bodies we don’t like may not meet beauty standards, but man do they function like champs!
Round, soft arms that are great for hugging and carrying kids and pets.
Wide thighs that carry us where we need to go.
Skin that hugs us, holds our parts in place and protects us from infections.
We can turn this into a meditation or chant that we use whenever we start the negative self-talk. Start by thanking your body for just existing, because that’s where you are and you are good.
Even if some body parts don’t function well or cause us dysmorphia, we can say to them, “Hey, you’re still valid. Thanks for coming along for the ride.” This can also be a great way to speak to areas of the body that we need to change for our mental, physical, or emotional health.
Get sensual: Okay, I know what you’re thinking—and you’re not wrong. That kind of sensuality can definitely be a part of this. But it doesn’t have to be if that’s not your jam.
Mostly, getting sensual with ourselves involves using our five physical senses to develop a deep familiarity with our bodies. You can do this in a ritual space near your altar, or (if your altar is too public) in a more private space such as your bedroom, or even a large bathroom.
Start by consecrating, blessing, or enchanting your favorite body oil or lotion (both homemade and commercial are fine) and making yourself a comfy place to sit and/or lie down in your ritual space. You can also soften the light in the area by lighting white, red, or pink candles (battery-powered works, too!). I also enjoy playing light instrumental music during this ritual.
Next, undress to your comfort, and begin anointing your body with the oil or lotion. I usually start with areas of my body that distress me the most and thank them for functioning or existing.
Draw sacred symbols on your body, chant, or sing as you go. Stop and look at areas on your body you rarely examine.
Use your finger to draw constellations or glyphs among your freckles.
Observe how tendon, muscle, and bone move under your skin.
Feel the texture of your fingernails, and gently squish the cartilage around your nose and ears.
Massage your own feet and hands.
And, yes, if you experience sexual attraction, self-pleasure is totally on the table, here.
Daily self-love: While the above rituals are incredibly effective, they require a significant time commitment. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to supplement these more complex rituals by adding mini-magicks to our daily routines.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Mirror affirmations, accompanied by a saucy wink (flirt with yourself, folx!).
Incorporating color, crystal, and metal magicks into your outfit.
Fun chants while spritzing on your favorite scent (example, “I am a badass, and I am loved.")
Filling your breakfast plate with foods and seasonings with the energies you need. (E.g., eggs for growth and abundance; apples for love, sensuality, and beauty; oatmeal for vitality and good luck).
Draw your favorite self-love symbols on index cards and tape them under your desk or in hidden places where you spend most of your time.
Self-Love to Help Us Love Others
Whether you decide to try all of these methods, combine a few, or pick just one, I hope that these suggestions have inspired you to romance yourself during this Valentine’s Day season.
Not only does loving ourselves make us happier, healthier people, it also frees us from the distraction of self-criticism and gives us back so much time. That extra time allows us to become more focused on the activities, interests, and—most importantly—people we love.
When we love ourselves, we become better at loving others.
Love boldly, magick-makers.
For more insight on living an enchanted life, check out our podcast on Anchor.